Photo by Marconi Calindas
Is it easier to be the one breaking someone’s heart or being the one broken up with? As there’s a cruel truth to the song There’s no easy way to break somebody’s heart some might find it easier to end a long term relationship while majority of us deem it extremely difficult to break up with a lover.
It’s always been a case-to-case basis when it comes to breaking up with someone. Take for example Brian who has been in San Francisco for 10 months. Before he flew to the motherland–the Gay Mecca, he was in constant communications with his lover Sammy. Brian moved from New York and had known Sammy for two years. The two had a long distance relationship for over a year before Brian finally decided to look for a job here in San Francisco.
Sammy at 29 has lived in San Francisco City for eight years. Brian was so in love with Sammy and couldn’t wait to live in San Francisco to be with him.
So they met and eventually became lovers. However, the two didn’t have much time together. Brian realized that he had not spent that much time with Sammy in the city. It was all contradictory to what he had planned and expected when he moved to the city. The two would meet every weekend. Sammy would spend time with Brian at his place on Fridays.
Brian thought he could spend quality time with Sammy the entire weekend at least once a month but the two had to go out and party at the Castro, the “infamous” gay district in San Francisco. By the time they had drunk their last cocktails, the two would be so inebriated to head back to Brian’s place.
The lovers ended up falling flat on the bed snoring to oblivion.
Brian began to notice the time he would usually spend with Sammy. It became less quality as well as quantity. Sammy being Catholic had to attend services with his family every Sunday in San Francisco; hence, he would only crash a night with Brian.
At 42, Brian began to gripe about his relationship. “I remember I didn’t sign for this setup,” he would mutter to himself. He started complaining until the last straw had been drawn for their relationship. For the labor weekend, which every workaholic in the city would look forward to, Sammy had to go on a road trip with his mother and sisters.
That did it for Brian. He told himself he had had enough. One Saturday morning he had to confront his greatest fear in life that is to break it up with Sammy, whom he had loved for a while. He had to say it; so, he did.
Brian felt the world crumbled upon him. He had never felt so devastated and worst in his entire life. He wondered why he had to feel terrible about it. Why did he have to feel bad for Sammy?
He convinced himself that he had done a terrible thing; yet, a bigger part of him said he had made the right choice. “It would’ve happened eventually,” he told his close friends in the city through Yahoo Messenger. “I told him we could reassess whenever he is indeed ready to commit.”
Brian had never felt so lonely in his life. The next days he went to work spaced out and always preoccupied with raging thoughts. He would say in his mind that he had to move on.
Sammy asked for forgiveness and for a second chance.
While Brian felt that he was heartless for breaking Sammy’s heart, he deeply knew that he had just made the right move. He wanted to be happy. He wanted a real relationship. He longed for that constant companion.
Brian reluctantly had to change his Facebook, Gay.Com and Adam4Adam.Com relationship profile from “In a relationship” to “Single.”
Some advice gurus would recommend some tips from not getting drunk to going out with friends. These tips also encourage one to take stock of items and stuff that would remind them of their former significant other.
For the Brians of San Francisco the rule is just plain and simple. It is never and will always not be easy to break somebody else’s heart—to call it quits and to pull the plug.
It just has to be done when it has to be. The Brians and the Sammies will greatly understand why it has to go that way. The road may have been long and dreary in the journey but the road will always have its end in spite of its left and right turns along the way.
Moreover, it will always be rewarding to end one miserable relationship than to claim a life from the heartaches and ventricular pains of non-committal relationships. The Brians, who believe their time is running thin, will always search for a long-term relationship while the Sammies will initially sulk for being dumped but will rise above the emotional challenges and eventually move on. Yet, both are hurting. That is a fact.
In the long run, the Sammies want to be happy. The Brians desire to be guilt free. The two gay men deserve to be on their own search for a better and worthwhile relationship.
(This story is also found in Examiner.Com)
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